Why I write this blog

13 11 2008

I even managed to get in two super great hours of studying for Metabolism Exam!
I was going to post about metabolism next, but the section is on pathways which is super hard to write ( easier to draw) but I will probably post what I can later.

Today I woke up sick, after going to bed last night not feeling well. I actually threw up- completely SUCKED! It was totally involuntary and felt awful but I think it was related to the odd foods I ate last night in our food presentations class AND to nerves.

Presentation Results: I got tons of “wow such a great job” from my classmates on break- It made me feel fantastic!


rest… rest…rest.. .I need to RELAX!

Presentation #3 of 3 …. DONE Haaaleeeluujah haleluja haleluja!
Studying going very well for metabolism
Lunch tomorrow – meeting April for recruiting interviewee for monday’s class!
I get to eat at the dining hall.. woohoo

I cannnot WAIT to see my mom on friday! Hi mom! I love you! What time are we meeting?

Caitlin at her blog: SeeBrideRun , asked about reasons why people write in blogs, eating disorders and food-blog relationships etc. I have been meaning to write about more of my history and reasons for blogging so here goes. I already have gotten strange looks from people that wonder why I take pictures of my food etc. Being in the nutrition field and intrested in eating healthy most of my life, eating disorders (e.d) have usually come up for a topic of discussion. I have had several friends that suffered from different eating disorders. In college, I began studying psychology ( Neuroscience) and nutrition in college and researched eating disorders for many many classes. Even in graduate school, I just finished a project about college women and e.d.

That is just a preface to why I started food blogging. I started for so so so many reasons!

I love to write. Writing is such an amazing release for mental energy and I find it so therapeutic!

I would like to get into publishing/research/writing as a professional after obtaining my master’s in nutrition, so I figured it would be a fantastic way to start.

I found myself making really creative foods and recipes and wanting to take pictures of it because ” it just looks so good!” and be able to make it again!

I wanted to improve my photography, and get out my creativity in an influential positive way.

I love the “community” created and love making “friends” that have the same interests as me- which has been hard for me to do over the years.

Now comes the hard part, I did suffer from an eating disorder for almost 10 years. I know, 10 years seems like such a long time! I struggled with bulimia from high school through and out of college. Not always severe, but I realize now how bad it was at some points.

Through a long recovery process, I have written several blogs that I have kept private, and seen a few therapists. I found that writing was a way for me to face my problems, not stuff my face and feel quilty about it , then engage in even worse behaviors to make myself feel better. It was such a viscious cycle, writing ( poetry at first actually) helped me work through my thoughts, work through my feelings that I often dealt with in such incredibly awful, unhealthy ways.

I read a book (suggested by an RD) that impacted my life and that is what really jump-started my recovery process. I also met a truly, absolutely amazing person (Jeff). I realized how wonderful of a person he was, but most importantly, he led me to realize how wonderful of a person I was… I realized how much I had taking life for granted, even though I did know that logically during those 10 years. I didn’t “see” it, Jeff made me “see” it.

The book helped me find that several areas of my life were very unbalanced. I would workout way too much when I wasn’t studying ( too much “body”) Or I would spend days studying like crazy and not be able to exercise ( too much “mind”). I never really did anything to fill my soul….spiritual, etc.

I filled my emptiness with food in hopes of filling my hunger in other areas of my life, and food never helped it.

I didn’t realize how un-balanced my life was then. I find myself now worlds better. I eat food to fuel my body, not to nourish areas of my life that need other means of fufillement. I talk to someone about why I am sad or angry or upset or frustrated, instead of shoving down a cupcake and feeling even worse, than trying to “fix it”. I write about it , if it seems an appropriate way to deal with whatever issue it is. It seems like an easy concept, I know for people who have not experienced eating disorders, it is tough to fully “get it”.

I write my blog because it helps keep me balanced- remind myself of the great things I am doing , the struggles that I have overcome, the people that I may inspire.

I write in hopes of encouraging others to keep a more balanced lifestyle- balance body, mind, and soul.

I would love to help people recovering from eating disorders, if nothing more to be a form of support. Be someone supportive who has lived through, who knows the depths it can take you. Some one who knows what its like to recover, because YOU CAN RECOVER!




9 responses

13 11 2008

Despite feeling sick (get well soon, girl!!), I’m SOOOO glad how well you day went!! Hooray!! 😀

VERY powerful words – thank you so much for sharing your journey and more about your blog. I LOVE your blog, so please keep it up! 🙂

13 11 2008

Wow, that takes a lot of courage to write. Thank you for your blog! You are helping me with my ED!

13 11 2008
Simple and Divine

COURAGEOUS, BEAUTIFUL, STRONG, EMPOWERING, HEROIC, BEAUTIFUL… Did I mention I find YOU and your amazing, awe-inspiring words to be Beautiful? THIS TOOK BALLS and you kick ass woman =]

13 11 2008

THANKS so MUCH for sharing =) lets me get to know you a bit more =D

13 11 2008

Thanks for sharing this with us! I think you’ve done great balancing the mind, body and soul aspects of your life! You’re an inspiration for sure!

22 11 2008

I was just catching up on my reading and realized I never read this amazing post. I didn’t know you were recovering from an eating disorder. I think you and your blog are wonderful!


22 11 2008

I just dont know the words to tell everyone how much I appreciate you taking time in your life to read this, not only to read it, but to support me and be such a great aspect of my life. All of your comments keep me going and help me in ways that words cannot. Thank you!

20 01 2009

Did you ever have a really bad day? Or string of days? Like eat and eat and eat til you’re stuffed and then try to make up be syarving yourself for a few days? I’m in a really bad spot, and I don’t know how to break the cycle. I have really good days and really bad days, but the bad days are realy bad. Any advice? you can email me @ cmdrayer@comcast.net.

20 03 2009

Thanks so much for the comment you left on my blog. I can really relate to your story, and I appreciate you telling it. I am going to check out the workbook you suggested…is that the book you mentioned that changed your way of thinking?

I really like what you said about how we have to accept that some days we are going to eat more than others, and we really have to allow ourselves to figure out what we are truly hungry for. I know I will get there, even if it is a slow process. Writing has helped me already, and I feel so fortunate to have found your blog and others, and people who have gone through the same things as me. For so long, I kept it all inside, which is so easy to do…so I really appreciate you taking the time to read my thoughts and leaving that comment. You are an inspiration!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: